Dessert or not to desert?

While trying to prove that he doesn't know everything, my 6 year old daughter starts questioning him on what a whole bunch of words mean. At the end of our meal, she asks "What does dessert mean?"

Boyfriend's reply: "It means after starting a diet, you eat one salad, and then decide to desert your diet."

In sickness and in health...

"Jones'n for some crack?"

Me: huh?

"You look like a shivering crack whore."

(Stated as I sat curled up on the couch, trying to get warm under a blanket, as I go back and forth between shivering cold and burning up from being sick.)

Lowered Expectations

"I deserve a guy like that."

Stated as we left the movie theatre after dragging him kicking and screaming to see The Vow.

My perfect woman...

"You're my perfect girl....short sighted and very patient."

Genetic deafness.

"Huh? What? Oh, no. I think I'm losing my hearing like my father."

Oh, is that what I have to look forward to?

"I've told you before, men don't get more lovely with time."

I'm looking forward to repeating myself two and three times.

"I'm looking forward to the quietness."

Tax Time

"Who do I make this check out to?"

Me: I don't know, it should say it on your tax filing form.

"Oh right, Indiana Department of Revenue...and Bastards".

Me: I think they'd still cash it.