In sickness and in health...

"Jones'n for some crack?"

Me: huh?

"You look like a shivering crack whore."

(Stated as I sat curled up on the couch, trying to get warm under a blanket, as I go back and forth between shivering cold and burning up from being sick.)

Lowered Expectations

"I deserve a guy like that."

Stated as we left the movie theatre after dragging him kicking and screaming to see The Vow.

My perfect woman...

"You're my perfect girl....short sighted and very patient."

Genetic deafness.

"Huh? What? Oh, no. I think I'm losing my hearing like my father."

Oh, is that what I have to look forward to?

"I've told you before, men don't get more lovely with time."

I'm looking forward to repeating myself two and three times.

"I'm looking forward to the quietness."

Tax Time

"Who do I make this check out to?"

Me: I don't know, it should say it on your tax filing form.

"Oh right, Indiana Department of Revenue...and Bastards".

Me: I think they'd still cash it.

Yeah, that's EXACTLY what I want to do with my time.

"You can be a crafty woman once you have your time back, you could like...dust and shit."

Giving me suggestions on what I can do with all my time once I am no longer commuting 3 hours a day.

5 leaf clovers

"To be honest, there are far more 5 leaf clovers than there are beds that I've had sex in."

Stated when we were talking about the girl he dated before me, and I asked him if he had sex with her in the bed we now share together (because I think I would burn it!).