Holding a mirror up to reality.

Stated as we walk out of a restaurant..."I think these pants are getting a little big on me, I bought them at my fattest."

I look down to see which ones he is wearing...."Aren't those the ones you just bought last month?"

2nd choice is flattering, right?

Me: He was the first Englishman I fell in love with.
Boyfriend: "Who?"
Me: James Blunt.
Boyfriend: "Well, good thing he wasn't available."

Raising 'em right

At the sand pit, [my child] comes over and asks for one of her shoes.
Boyfriend: "What for?"
My Child: "To kill a spider."
Boyfriend: "Do you think God would want you to kill that spider?"
My Child: "I think God would want me to be me."
Boyfriend: "Well, just as long as 'you' is a small, spider killing psychopath."

Dessert or not to desert?

While trying to prove that he doesn't know everything, my 6 year old daughter starts questioning him on what a whole bunch of words mean. At the end of our meal, she asks "What does dessert mean?"

Boyfriend's reply: "It means after starting a diet, you eat one salad, and then decide to desert your diet."

In sickness and in health...

"Jones'n for some crack?"

Me: huh?

"You look like a shivering crack whore."

(Stated as I sat curled up on the couch, trying to get warm under a blanket, as I go back and forth between shivering cold and burning up from being sick.)

Lowered Expectations

"I deserve a guy like that."

Stated as we left the movie theatre after dragging him kicking and screaming to see The Vow.

My perfect woman...

"You're my perfect girl....short sighted and very patient."