Yogi

"Did you know handguns are like $1,000?"

Me:  What do you need a handgun for?

"Some fucker just went all Rambo again."

Me:  And?

"What if a bear broke in?  How would I protect you?"

Me:  Offer it a pot of honey. 

Lowered Expectations

"Oxford's out, Purdue's in."

His response after he accidentally let our 7 month old fall over from a sitting position and bump his head. 

Good Friday

"At this point, I'd rather have a vasectomy than go to work. It sounds like a good Friday to me."

His response when I asked him to please get his vasectomy before the end of the year, so we don't have to pay our deductible again. 

Duvet winching

"I always end up on a sliver of the bed with no covers. The answer to that is duvet winching. It's where you slowly steal the covers back inch by inch, while pushing her back to her side of the bed. If she ends up on the floor, you've pushed too hard."

Self defense

"Fight to win...that kid should be blind."

This was his response when I told him that our daughter got in trouble at school for defending herself from a boy that hit her with a stick. 

Death by Coffee

After bringing me a cup of coffee in bed, I thanked him sincerely and told him I love him. 

His response:  If you died, I'd still make 2 cups of coffee. I've just got used to it every morning...I'd probably just drink yours too. 

Gee, thanks for making me feel special babe!

To Labor or Not To Labor

January 9, 2013

"Do you feel a great need to crawl up behind the sofa?"

His effort to access whether or not was going into labor.  It took me a minute...I then informed him that I am NOT a cat, and will not be having a litter behind the couch!