Monday, November 18, 2013

Teaching the Cat

As the cat sits on the floor licking his ass, my husband points to him and says to me...

"You taught him that."

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Friends

Me:  I want to be friends with Jon Stewart. 

Husband:  "I'd marry him. You could even have sex with him while I watched."

Me:  Ummm...Not those kind of friends. 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Skype Interview

In preparing for my first Skype interview, I throw out a hypothetical question to my PHD, highly respected, chemist husband...

Me:  What would you do if you were getting ready to have a Skype interview with a job candidate and the Skype connection begins and you're staring into video of your candidate in a full suit and a Halloween mask?

Husband:  Very long pause...."I'd go back to Chat Roulette, I'd rather see dicks."

Monday, October 14, 2013

Moody Love

"Just because you're not in the mood...

....doesn't mean we can't make love."

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Work Hours

In discussing the his 10 year career path...

"I'm not sure if I'll be there for that long."

Why not?

"The sofa has better hours."

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Lefties

In discussing the possibility of our 8 month old being a lefty, I read a list of facts about lefties. The husband was pointing out that lefties tend to be smarter and more successful, while I point out some of the downsides, like this:  

The Boston Strangler, Jack the Ripper, and Osama Bin Laden were lefties.

To which he replied...."And also at the top of their field."

Match.com

In discussing dating options for our friends..

"Hookers and crack. It's worth considering. And probably cheaper than Match.com."

Disclaimer:  We met on Match.com.