Friends

Me:  I want to be friends with Jon Stewart. 

Husband:  "I'd marry him. You could even have sex with him while I watched."

Me:  Ummm...Not those kind of friends. 

Skype Interview

In preparing for my first Skype interview, I throw out a hypothetical question to my PHD, highly respected, chemist husband...

Me:  What would you do if you were getting ready to have a Skype interview with a job candidate and the Skype connection begins and you're staring into video of your candidate in a full suit and a Halloween mask?

Husband:  Very long pause...."I'd go back to Chat Roulette, I'd rather see dicks."

Moody Love

"Just because you're not in the mood...

....doesn't mean we can't make love."

Work Hours

In discussing the his 10 year career path...

"I'm not sure if I'll be there for that long."

Why not?

"The sofa has better hours."

Lefties

In discussing the possibility of our 8 month old being a lefty, I read a list of facts about lefties. The husband was pointing out that lefties tend to be smarter and more successful, while I point out some of the downsides, like this:  

The Boston Strangler, Jack the Ripper, and Osama Bin Laden were lefties.

To which he replied...."And also at the top of their field."

Match.com

In discussing dating options for our friends..

"Hookers and crack. It's worth considering. And probably cheaper than Match.com."

Disclaimer:  We met on Match.com. 

Potty break

Hippie

In discussing the long hair, grunge look he had going on in college, I stated, "Just so you know, I wouldn't have dated you back then."

To which he replied, "Just so you know...I wouldn't have dated you back then either."

Me in disbelief, "Why?"

"Because you would have been 10."