Things you shouldn't say sober.

"You're so lovely, you give me a boner."

Bat Sh!t Crazy

"Every woman is bat shit crazy. It's just the balance of how often that side shows. You have a good balance."

Misguided

Me: I didn't get to spend your whole birthday with you, so we're still celebrating. I'm making breakfast.
Him: "Everyday is my birthday with you."
Me: Even on the days when I'm a bitch?
Him: "You're never a bitch, just sometimes misguided."